My understanding of success has morphed and changed throughout the years. I used to think that success was defined by society’s expectations- that only jobs with a certain understanding of prestige such as law or medicine, or higher paying jobs meant that someone was successful. However, through the past couple of years figuring out whether I prioritize happiness or my “success,” I have morphed the understanding that my happiness is my success. In the future, my goal is solely to be enjoying myself and pursue my passion no matter how low or high-paying this job may be. I have seen the negative effects of those who have pursued careers in fields they do not care about or that make them feel miserable about their job, and for me, I would rather gain happiness from my job as long as it provides for me to survive. I do understand that this outlook is privileged- not everyone has the choice to pick their happiness, their passion. Some people are forced by their parents to pursue careers that they do not want to do, but will solely give them a stable income. I am grateful for my socio-economic status and my family’s expectations that do not restrict me from pursuing my passion.
During this course, I learned how dissonance has affected me whether it be positive or negative. Looking back I see how I often experienced negative dissonance as a woman of color, especially in high school. I often felt out of place as a student surrounded by many wealthy, rich students pursuing this type of education. I often felt imposter syndrome going to class and felt that I did not deserve to be at such a prestigious education. Furthermore, I often felt that my culture as a Filipino-American was not represented among the faculty, other students, or within our education, making me feel even further removed from my environment. I felt that in some scenarios, my culture was viewed as “weird” or “foreign.” Sometimes I even felt tokenized in certain settings and that the culture that I view as sacred and important to me was solely being used as a marketing tool for my high school.
However, it was this same identity as an Asian American woman that made me feel positive dissonance in my creative writing class. With the diverse experiences that I have been through because of my culture, my family, and my background, I found that these differences made my writing more unique and powerful. Because my story is not in many mainstream media, I enjoyed being able to share them with a class in a professional setting and my voice being heard by people who do not live like me. I enjoyed being set apart from my classmates not because my writing was particularly better than my classmates, but rather because they have not heard many other pieces that describe my culture or stories. I also felt my family life had a large impact on my stories, which is a dynamic that does not seem common to me. This type of dynamic, culture, and ethnicity allowed me to experience positive dissonance.
